AHWACE POST 11-’friends’ insulting you continuously, depression and suicide

Assalamualaikumwarahmatullahiwabarakatuhu.

A’udhubillahiminashaitanirajeem.Bismillahirahmaniraheem.

((May the peace, mercy, and blessings of Allah be with you).

(I seek protection in Allah swt from the accursed shaitan/devil/satan).

(In the name of God, the Most Kind, the Most Merciful)).

Hi. This is AHWACE story 11. Please read her story and leave her a comment. It’s by ‘Surviving Slowly’.

There’s probably a lot of you out there who’ve been in the same situation, as what’s been described in this real life post.

Your ‘friends’ aren’t who you thought they were.

Your parents seem to make everything worse.

And the only way out SEEMS to be suicide…

But, this goes out to Surviving Slowly, and anyone else who’s like her…cherish those few real friends that you DO have. Killing yourself is NEVER the option. It is NOT the way out… You CAN live with it. Just believe and have faith. Think of a brighter future Anything is possible. One day, hopefully, your life WILL come out of the darkness, and go into the light and your troubles will be long gone. So, NEVER give up. It’s never too late for anything.

Here’s the story:

My story isn’t half as bad as some that I’ve seen, but for me it’s just enough to hurt. I was bullied by pretty much everybody in my Grade 5 class. Being the naive girl that I was, I switched schools thinking that I would make friends instantly, and that everyone would like me.

It seemed that way at first, but it didnt last long. Some girls hated me on sight, and when i was “friends” with the most popular girl in class, they planned to turn everyone against me, and succeeded. I know that sounds like a soap opera, but it really happened. I had no idea what was going on. No one would talk to me. No one would even look me straight in the face. I talked to not one single person during recess for 4 months.

My parents were oblivious and my teachers had no clue what was going on. Finally, a new girl transferred in. No one liked her either, so we became friends. I gradually became happier, and learned to lock away the sadness.

One of my old “friends” broke the unwritten law of ignoring us and became my friend again, for real this time. As the months passed our friendship grew stronger, but so did the insults. I was told that i was ugly, hairy, too skinny, pasty, smelly, and pretty much every other insult under the sun. I was also told that i looked like a guy and should have been born as one, to which the guys freaked out. It wasnt only the girls who insulted me. The guys did their fair share, saying that i was useless, stupid, and that i should have never been born.

I never let anyone see how much I was hurting. I put on a mask, learned how to never cry. This continued for 4 years. The worser parts always came at home, when I would get off the bus upset, and after telling my mother the whole story, she told me that it was my fault, and that i must be doing something wrong. She then told me to not cry because its embarassing.

In grade 8 there were 3 times when i was ready to kill myself.

The first was when it was really bad and I couldn’t take it any more. I was sitting on my bed with a glass of water and 3 bottles of extra-strength advil, along with Gravol to stop the vomiting. I would have gone through with it, but my mom came in the room and decided to stay since my dad was snoring. I mentally kicked myself quite a few times for letting it get to me, and then promised myself that i wouldn’t take what I saw as “the cowardly way out”.

The second time was when i finally decided to talk about it, and turned to one of my close friends. She shrugged it off, saying that I wasnt strong enough and that she doesnt need to worry about me. that night the despair came back full force, and the Advil made a reappearence. I stopped myself short, and was really mad at myself. I put the Advil away, and decided to try again.

The next few friends I tried understood, and they helped me get to the point where I was able to graduate elementary school. I was happy for a while, because I was escaping all of the bullies i had been stuck with, but all that summer brought was anger and misery.

The third time I almost committed suicide was in the summer at a cottage. I was going to drown myself in the lake after a vicious fight with my parents where they said that they hated me and wished I had never been born. I remembered my promise to myself halfway through and fought my way out of the depression. I’m doing better now but every time I fight with my parents the depression comes rushing back.

I want this to be published as a story because I still need support. Thank you, whoever you are, for taking time to read my story. I’m still surviving, just not living yet.

by Surviving Slowly.